For reasons unknown to even me–but perhaps because of my intense need to look hideous–I have decided to take part in the manliest charity event ever (except for the one where you nail hot chicks to support health care). An event so manly it requires of its participants a most unshakable loyalty and commitment. I speak, of course, of Movember.
What this means, besides it being the single charitable act I will probably ever perform, is that I will be growing a real, untrimmed mustache on my face for the very first time in my life. Though I have been able to grow facial hair for quite a while thanks to my dad’s German-probably-also-Jewish lineage, I have never grown an honest mustache. I’ve tried, but it’s just too much; all the itching drives me mad by day three.
This time I will not allow my discomfort to halt the potentially life-changing mustache growth. If history is any judge, this mustache could be step one of a world-conquering Master Plan. I just noticed my overuse of the word “mustache” in this post. I apologize.