Tactical weapons in your vagina, and other thoughts

4 03 2008

I guess it’s about time I set the record straight: the “most fucked up thing” I’ve ever seen was not goatse, tubgirl, or two girls, one cup. It wasn’t anything on Rotten, or anywhere else on the internet. I won’t even tell you what it is, because, though I don’t know you, I value my readership enough that I don’t want you to claw your own eyes out. Suffice to say that the “most fucked up thing” I’ve ever seen involved muppets, and still bothers me today.

Having said that, here’s this thing:

Yes, it’s the RapeX anti-rape condom. Now, I’m not going to make the obvious “Ouch, my penis!” joke, because I’m above that. What is so disturbing about this thing, aside from the obvious, is that it tells of a desperate necessity for medieval implements in a modern society. That’s sad beyond words.

Also, this particular version isn’t half as scary as the first incarnation, which involved a condom with a touch-sensitive spring-loaded blade mechanism. If you can wrap your head around that, I’ll give you a dollar. A spring-loaded blade. That’s not even medieval–that’s just flat-out lunacy.

Rape is a terrible thing, but if the medical community starts providing little penis guillotines for every woman to wear in her vagina, then a lot of innocent guys are probably just going to give up and defect to the other side. There’s nothing worse than having even your fantasies interrupted by the thought of a penectomy.