I am the worst person in the world.

18 06 2009

As some of you may know, I’ve recently started an exciting new career as a technical support representative for a local ISP. It’s actually an enjoyable job–interactions with the physical public are virtually nonexistent and the work itself borders on interesting–but has its low points: one is the boredom–it’s all well and good when you’re on the phone helping someone with either a problem you can solve in a timely fashion or one that’s new to you and therefore mildly compelling. It’s quite another beast entirely to sit on the phone for fifteen minutes while some elderly, slightly deaf Alabaman tells you exactly why she believes her “internet’s broke” as she tries to hold her upper denture plate in place with her tongue.

Then there are the people who call you, a lowly peon working for a middling company that was contracted out to provide tech support for a larger company that provides high-speed internet services, to complain about how much your company sucks and how you, personally, are the worst person they have ever spoken to on the phone. Forgetting for a second that competent customer service is a sadly neglected luxury these days, there’s still the fact that the tech support help desk exists solely to politely solve problems in a speedy and cheerful manner. It is not a font of sadistic, money-hungry fuckery.

We don’t make money off the customer by forcing them to call back after three unsuccessful attempts to set up their shiny new DSL hardware. In fact, the more a customer calls back, the less money the ISP pays the tech support company for each call, until eventually we’re not making any profit at all. We’re trained to do our jobs in such a way that the job stays done, at least for a reasonable amount of time.

In the whopping ten days of my official employment, I have had six separate, unrelated calls from people telling me just how awful I am. In no way were these calls related to shoddy service or incompetence on the part of the tech support desk. More often than not, they were simple cases of cheap, angry misers calling the first number listed on their bills and yelling at whoever answered.

The occassional abuse one takes from a customer is to be accepted, even enjoyed, since most of the time it’s so obviously misguided and forced that you actually have to bite your knuckles to keep from snickering. That doesn’t make it any less irritating, though. If I didn’t know my calls were being recorded (including the five seconds following the customer’s hang-up, just in case you want to call them a twat under your breath) I would probably say quite a few unfortunate, tasteless things to certain people.

Also, if one more person mispronounces “Linux”, “ethernet” or “Linksys”, I am going to fucking scream.


Status Update

7 06 2009

Day three of allowing Bing.com to make all of my daily decisions.

Decision Objective: DINNER
Current Status: HUNGRY

I will starve to death if Bing doesn’t find me something to eat soon. Something besides Pho, which is in San Marcos, CA.

I’m in San Marcos, TX. Bing knows this fact, yet taunts me still.

I’ve decided to let Bing make all my daily decisions.

6 06 2009

Current Status:  SHOELESS

I’m sure some of you have heard by now of Microsoft recently debuted, forgettably named search engine, Bling.com. It is known, as I’m sure you also know, as a “decision engine”. You see, a decision engine is different from a search engine in that it addresses the horrible software issue that causes the user to have to think independently.  It’s oversights like that that have made Google so incredibly unpopular.

Current Status: UNWIPED

To illustrate the usefulness of this new web toy, I have decided to allow Bing ultimate authority in my everyday life. For the next few days, or perhaps only tonight (I don’t know, Bing hasn’t made up its mind yet) Bing will choose whether my day is comfortable or awful and embarrassing.

Check back for frequent updates.

Current Status: HATTED


For the Record: After having administered the mandatory search engine “porn” to “gay” image search test, I have tallied up the results.  Google wins by landslide, by reason of not showing gay porn in an image search for the word “porn” until the fourth page, or 36th image in the list.

Bing lost several points for returning gay porn on the fifteenth image on the list. It lost further points for not having static labels under all posted image links. Further points were lost for all images being in one scrollable list.