Chinese Democracy: 1 part Velvet Revolver, 4 parts extra-hard suck

25 11 2008

I like to think the steaming new release from Axl “I got punched by Tommy-fucking-Hilfiger” Rose’s play-time version of Guns ‘n Roses was inspired by a crudely scrawled letter from his number one fan. I like to think Axl Rose would also have had someone else read it to him.

Dear Axl,

Hi, my name is Tim and I’m your number one fan! Just the other day I was talking to my buddies about how much we like Velvet Revolver. Dale said something about how your band was looking for a new sound, something other than stereotypical GNR. Then Ed said something about Guns ‘n Roses sucking harder than a drunk Nickelback groupie behind a Texas Denny’s, and I was like yeah–Axl should make his band do a song similar to an already existing but undeniably entertaining band! Like Velvet Revolver, only do it like Scott Weiland got really really fat and lost every bit of appeal anyone ever found in him. Also, have Buckethead make all those doodly-oodly-oo guitar noises all the way through it.

Thanks a lot for all the good music. GNR ROX

SIncerely,

Tim

After which it was decided to heed this advice, only do everything in a grunge-y, nu-metal way that can’t help but suck even worse. Then they decided to play it incessantly on the radio for weeks and weeks. Guns ‘n Roses sucks.

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5 responses

1 12 2008
this buddy of mine

Its amazing that this shit got wrote up in the Economist

17 12 2008
Ian

yo quit bein a bunch of hatin’ faggots, gnr aint the same but it aint what you say it is, so stop being a bunch of shit talkin panzi’s and fuck off, and btw, tommy fuckin hilfiger would punch you the fuck out so ahaha

17 12 2008
The Schroederist

I would like to quit being a bunch of hating faggots, but it’s difficult since there are so many of me.

17 12 2008
this buddy of mine

You should need a license to be that retarded

17 03 2009
Cap'n Eric

indeed you should

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