Future Career Choices for Sarah Palin

8 11 2008

Since helping John McCain shit-bomb this last election, Sarah Palin has severely damaged her political reputation. Where once her peers saw in her vigor and tenacity mixed with mild humility and a sharp mind, they now see the same Sarah Palin as always because I made all of that other stuff up. Simply put, Sarah Plain is nigh unemployable.

Not to worry you or anything, but there’s a fair chance Mrs. Palin is hunting after your job right this very moment. If not for me and my blog, you might well be in the poor house, since I’ve come up with a few prime options Sarah Palin still has in the working professional world.

We’ll start things off with–

TV-show Judge 

Judge Sarah Rulz would be like the prime-time version of Judge Judy, where instead of Judy it’s someone you can look at for extended periods of time. She’s as qualified for this job as any other, plus it would be awesome. She’d be limited to handing out fines not in excess of $5000, too, so her blast radius would be considerably smaller when she inevitably goes into Total Bitch Meltdown after a defendant enters her courtroom wearing a “Fuck Alaska” t-shirt, or something.

 

Female Superhero

Not necessarily Wonder Woman, but I doubt I’m the only one who digs the idea of Sarah Palin defeating bad guys using the secret ancient powers of BDSM. She could bind them up and ship them off to the Arctic circle, where later she can torture them for information. I’m not too clear on Mrs. Palin’s acting experience, but in this case experience is not really an issue.

 

Ambassador to Our Merciless Viking Conquerors

Conceivably, there will be brief moments during all the raping and killing when our fearsome Viking overlords might be open to negotiations. This is where Mrs. Palin comes in–clad in furs and slathered in seal fat–to see if this is one of the times when the Vikings talk, or if it’s like all most of the other times when the Vikings just kill.

 

Default Photo for Craigslist Personal Ads

Cons: will increase exposure to spam and phishing scams; palm-burns

Pros: Some of those ads are pretty filthy; remote chance of screwing someone who looks like Sarah Palin

Seriously, when it’s a fake ad, the photos are bad enough. But the real ones…Jesus. Better it’s sexy Sarah Palin than Marjorie the BBW with a fishnet fetish. I think it would be a step in a positive direction for both sides of creepy craigslist personals, and it would present Palin as a crusader for the largely ignored pervert-stalker demographic.

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2 responses

14 11 2008
Seresecros

She could always make a living as a Tina Fey impersonator.

29 12 2008
johnny

AXt40I Thanks for good post

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