How to snag a “good one”

24 06 2008

I’ve said on more than one occasion that my girlfriend kicks ass. It’s still true; she still kicks ass. I’ve had posed to me the question of acquiring such a girlfriend–not the exact one, mind–and each time I’ve drawn a blank. How exactly do you go about hooking up with someone who just all-around rocks? 

Well, after a lot of research, the core of which involved trying to remember colors of shirts, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no fail-safe way to get an awesome girlfriend. It either happens, or it doesn’t. Sometimes, it really doesn’t, and you end up with a nosebleed-crazy knife enthusiast. Maybe it’s safer to just not try a formula, you know? Wouldn’t want anyone to get stabbed.  

Then again, you could always do what I did:

The frightened cry of a trapped The Girlfriend often sounds like \

Remember, it wasn’t easy to trap this one. For one, she was already wearing a helmet, so I couldn’t just give her the ol’ caveman club-and-drag. It took skill, dexterity, and above all, a very safe-looking snare to catch her. 

In the end, though, all that really matters is that my girlfriend is awesome. Not awesome enough to avoid a snare loaded with amazingly lifelike kitten robots (live kittens), but still, pretty damned awesome. 


Also, if you’re going to be leaving your newly snared The Girlfriend alone for any amount of time, be sure to secure all lines and knots. 

Steve Austin and myself in seventh grade would be proud of this Stunner.

They’re crafty creatures, those The Girlfriends.




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