I’m sure it’s actually because I carry around a bag full of money.

17 06 2008

I think my last three days spent without shaving have been worthwhile. For whatever reason–probably this sweet-ass babybeard–people are much less apt to be complete dicks to me day by day. It sounds strange, the magical five o’clock shadow thing, but I think there’s an actual reason. Actually, I there are several reasons. 

It could be that since this is a college town, and college is where beards are usually discovered by newly liberated freshmen, people see the beard as a sign of harmlessness, of comfortable conformity to middle class values. After all, who doesn’t understand a college kid?

That seems like a pretty good reason. On the other hand…

Everyone in San Marcos had an immense crush on Al Borland growing up.

 

EVERYONE IN SAN MARCOS HAS A BEARD!

 

Everyone in San Marcos prefers wooly, non-threatening men.

 

Everyone in San Marcos is, in fact, Kate Hudson.

 

…I do admit a tendency toward blowing things a bit out of proportion. The point is that the consequent scruff of not shaving for three days actually works in reverse: instead of being frightened by my manly face-pelt and thus give me their money, they are soothed by my manly face-pelt, and thus give me their money. 

It just occurred to me that we may very well be feeling the tidal shift before another massive Beard Wave.

Many souls will be lost. 

It will be the greatest simultaneous loss of human life since the dawn of all existence

Only the young and the females will survive once the Destroyer is awakened.

Abandon all hope.

It is coming.

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19 06 2008
Kate Hudson Celebrity Gossip | I’m sure it’s actually because I carry around a bag full of money.

[…] in San Marcos is, in fact, Kate Hudson…. Source: I’m sure it’s actually because I carry around a bag full of money. Who Would Be A Worse Mom? Paris or Lindsey? Vote Now And Get A Free iPhone. Kate Hudson Used […]

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