Snowballs, and a few unrelated tips to the porn industry.

4 05 2008

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you’re spending all of your time worrying and waiting for something to happen, and when it does happen, it all comes barrelling menacingly at you like Harry Knowles on rollerblades? Well, my life is a constant stream of exactly those kinds of situations.

I’ve been steadily dragging useful favors out of people to aid the transition and job search. Things have not been going well on that front. Aside from the confusion and other madness, almost everyone seems to be too busy to help out. The job search came nearly to a screeching halt, as I have to figure things out at my current job.

Well, I got my new car on Friday, and since then the entire world has been slicing down the lane at me like a greased-up luger. New car, help with moving, and a surprise job interview tomorrow at 11 in Austin. Holy fucking cats.

Anyway, I’m terrified about the interview. It’s not that I’m unprepared; it’s more like I’ve never been hired on the basis of a face-to-face interview. My credentials, and general word-of-mouth, usually get me in the door. Now I have to actually show up and impress someone who is willing to pay me an exorbitant amount of money to do a job for which I have little actual applicable experience.

Whatever. Just wish me luck.

A Word to the Pornography Industry

1) There is no such thing as a “hot load”. Since sperm are stored outside the body in the testes, which hang (in most cases) away from the core of the body’s hottest point, they are kept cooler than the internal temperature of the ball-haver himself. This is to keep sperm viable and, more important, alive. I understand that “he shot his ever-so-slightly cooler load all over her heaving breasts” doesn’t sound nearly as sexy as “his piping man-lava sprayed her teased bangs and ruined her favorite duvet”.

2) The sight of another man’s anus is not desirable in hetero scenes. If it were, we probably wouldn’t have purchased the damn movie in the first place. There is nothing sexy about having some dude’s pimply asshole winking at you while you’re trying to rub one out.

3) Jenna Jameson is almost as bad as another man’s anus. Seriously. Could you guys talk to her or something? She looks like several old footballs held together by Scotch tape and self-loathing.

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