News and items of interest

29 02 2008

Chemical Ali to be executed; somewhere, Mineral Mohammed laughs Iraqi gas man’s execution has been approved by Iraqi President Something Al-Unpronounceable. This has led speculators to wonder how the Power and Light company will fare next month.

Isrealis threaten holocaust, and even Hitler’s ghost cringes at the tastelessness Some people just seem to lack the capacity to understand that holocaust jokes are out this season. A Palestinian representative was quoted earlier today as saying, “How many dead babies does it take to fill up a dump truck?”

McCain set to win Ohio. Next stop: Bingo at the KC hall Fashionably elderly presidential candidate John McCain–despite pervasive rumors of being very, very old–nonetheless set his sights on winning over voters in Ohio. An Ohio political organizer was heard to remark, “I love election years. It’s nice to have people realize we still exist.”

In related news, McCain has chosen his new campaign slogan, “Yippee ki-yay, middle-Westerners.” This is in reference to a movie he’s never seen, as it included distateful things like “talking” and “not nearly enough choreographed dance”.

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