Things I’ve Overheard Recently

26 02 2008

“Nice hair, fag.” -Some douche at Patek’s.

“I love your hair! How did you cut it?” –Aforementioned douche’s girlfriend.

“It’s weird: I’m lazy, but I have a really strong work ethnic.” -My sister, the politically correct slave owner.

“It’s pretty much, but kinda not really, the same thing.” -My girlfriend, the waffler.

“I know you’ve already met her, but you should really meet her again.” -A redundant highschool acquaintance.

“Maybe if you read more, and bitched less, you’d know what’s going on in the world.” -Dipshit atheist poseur, via email.

“We turned on the fan to air the room out.” -The Boy, and Princess William, an hour-and-a-half after they left the room they clouded with paint fumes.

“That dog’s not going to bite me, is it?” –The telephone repairman, about the still-sleeping dog he stepped on twice.

“Hello, can I speak to… Hold on, who am I speaking to?” -A very confused telemarketer.

“I’m telling you, man, it works all the time: whatever she says, do the opposite. Even if it’s something like ‘Watch out for that car!’.” -Semi-drunk preaching at Patek’s.

“I know you have a girlfriend, and I totally respect that, but we should like, you know, go out.” -A consistently stupid highschool acquaintance.

And something I may have misheard: “I like it when it’s almost all the way in, but not quite. That way it’s more like a tampon.” –Tragically ugly girl at Kloesel’s.

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One response

24 04 2008
A. C. Mercer

I should post some more of mine.

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